week 12 | friday evening

[jackhole]

[ rhys doesn't really remember how long he's been out here and he... honestly doesn't really care, a feeling he's come to associate with being dead. the listlessness, the apathy, the complete indifference of who arrives and who doesn't. elizabeth's arrival was a shake up to his routine and while he wasn't sure if he was grateful for it or not, it meant that he was able to knock himself out of the mindset he fell into -- the obsessive watching to even see just a scrap of knowledge that he mattered, the crushing loneliness when he realized he didn't, the pitiful need for any sort of explanation that he just... did not get.

he understands why jack killed him, he understands that it wasn't sustainable. that was a mistake rhys was making eyes wide open, he gets that.

... but fiona? he had done so much for her and her for him -- they'd been through so much together! he thought that they were friends, if nothing else, and that she would protect him as much as possible and he in return. he... thought that was the understanding they shared with each other, that no matter how rough things became -- they had each other's backs, even if they were wrong. that was their bond, that was what kept them at each other's side even when heading in such clearly opposite directions. he wonders what changed here, on the pygmalion.

it was hearing that she didn't care that much for him in the end, from some -- some stranger. some woman who didn't know the two of them from anywhere, that for some reason fiona trusted to confide in her more than rhys, that he was just swept under the rug so surely without any second thought? he was sitting next to elizabeth, watching that trial and hearing those words come out of that woman's mouth -- he couldn't do it anymore. he couldn't put himself through this.

he'd... lost everything.

what was the point?

so, he excused himself and left. he walked and walked and kept walking and the thing about being dead is, you don't really need to stop for anything. hunger? sleep? rest? anything like that -- it's unnecessary. it's not something that he needs to prioritize and rhys felt so lost now that he'd truly been abandoned by everyone now that he just... didn't bother prioritizing anymore.

after a while, he found a stream and instead of continuing to walk, he sat. he leaned against a tree, knees pulled to his chest and eyes fixed on the stream running across the ground in front of him and he just stayed like that.

a few days passed, and he continued to stay just like that. sometimes he thought about moving, going back to see elizabeth, going to see who died this week, going to see what happened next but --

... but what was the point? ]

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[refactor]

[ Jack ends up looking away from Rhys as he explains, and his mouth quickly twists into a frown that's tinged with some kind of bitterness. Just as when he'd called himself a monster to Elizabeth and heard it relayed back to him, it was one thing for him to say something about himself as if it would deflect the truth as compared to hearing it from someone else. It's a point of similarity he was aware of. Here they were, standing on the shores of some stupid creek in some stupid... simulation or whatever, and Jack feels that Rhys is right. They're both out of things, of people to cling to.

That was what probably started this bullshit in the first place, he thinks. That was another weird thing to find out that they were similar in. Being alone was always something Jack had taken as a necessity for the dreams he aspired to, but even then, he never felt he was truly alone. His social circle was very small, granted, but the people he held dear to him were so incredibly important to him. He could look at Angel and remember why he was doing everything for her (though the thought of her now is... complicated). He could spend time with Nisha, lay next to her and just have the comfort of having someone that he could put his absolute trust in. And there were those few people where he could at least trust them to an extent. People like Wilhelm and Blake, though calling them friends was definitely a stretch. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

But here... Here, from the very start, Jack had felt an ache of loneliness that he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. He'd recognized it immediately and been frightened by it in a way that only this Jack could be. Here, without the power of Hyperion, but given a role that so desperately needed it because of the secrecy he was sworn to, it was oddly similar to the emptiness of the drive. For weeks, he could look at very face and know that he could have to be the one to kill them. It didn't come with guilt, since he'd long since stopped feeling such a thing. But it came with isolation.

It was different from being inside Rhys where he could torment and tease him at any hour of the day, but Jack had certainly done his damndest to keep it up anyways, much to Rhys's chagrin. It was dragging him to the gym, cooking for him, truly just drowning Rhys in his attention, because Rhys was the one that would bolster his ego and his confidence. But it was probably fitting in the irony. Jack had needed Rhys to do that so that he could continue on with his impossible task at hand, and he had even been the one to suggest them getting handcuffed together essentially for that reason. He'd ended up sharing a bed with the very thing he had been desperately trying to kill.

Jack looks up when Rhys apologizes, but his brow knits together tightly when Rhys speaks of paying for it in what he was. It's not quite for any real empathy for Rhys here that pulls out Jack's response, because in that sentiment... Maybe he does agree in his bitterness. But factually? ]

Now, wait, kiddo—

[ Jack starts to interrupt to respond, but he pauses too when Rhys continues on. Rhys starts to step back, and Jack takes a step forward so that he's nearly standing in the water again. He listens, and there's something like concern in his expression, but there's also a flicker of something familiar that Jack doesn't intend. There's conflict and surprise in Jack's expression in equal parts, and oddly, it's not unlike when Jack had been staring Rhys down as he removed those last cybernetics to "kill" Jack. The reasons for this kind of expression couldn't be more different, but it's a parallel that only Rhys could notice.

He walks through the stream without really caring about the fact that he's getting wet again, and his stride is about as confident as it can be considering the fact that he's carefully stepping through the slick rocks and the water. He comes to the other side of the shore, and he pauses, since he thought Rhys was finished. But before Rhys can even finish the word 'peaceful,' Jack is there to close that last distance. He's aggressive, physical, and pushy in that way he always is, but he simply grabs on of Rhys's wrists to tug him closer.

It's not like the hug he had given Elizabeth earlier, not that Rhys would know. There was a warmth and fondness in that hug, because in her case, Jack had come to genuinely understand her as a person. There weren't any illusions or projections between them anymore, and he had come to care for her as her. But for Rhys, it wasn't that simple. This is an embrace that's passionate in an entirely different way. It's possessive, because Jack needs this.

Whatever this was, Rhys was right. It was better than being alone, and this physicality is the only way Jack knows to convey that sentiment. ]

[jackhole]

[ there's a surprised noise that leaves rhys when he feels jack's hands around his wrists, tugging him closer. he didn't expect this because, well, why would he? but he doesn't pull away from it because it's really what he's craving here. in some fucked up way, this is all he wanted -- jack here and holding him again. he feels jack's arms go around him and his hands hang uselessly at his sides for a moment before, with hesitation, they slide around jack and curl into the back of his shirt. he turns his head, pressing his face into jack's shoulder and holds him back just as tightly -- just as... possessive, really.

so, they have nothing else (or at the very least, the both of them feel as if they don't) and that's a pretty dangerous place to be because then that means... they only have each other. rhys has jack and jack has rhys and that's... okay? it might be okay. rhys doesn't think he's very wrong in assuming that that's what this hug means and as the realization settles on him, he holds jack impossibly tighter and takes a step closer because jack can't leave him. not now, not after this.

maybe there's something weird about this, so desperately clinging to his own murderer but it's the same in reverse too, isn't it? rhys killed jack just the same when he ripped his cybernetics out and jack's voice just a moment ago, jack's expression before he crossed over to him, it holds that same kind of weight of that moment but this time -- this time rhys isn't going to make the mistake of letting jack go. jack said he's not going to kill him and jack doesn't lie so rhys knows that something changed here to make this possible.

his feelings for jack aren't even hero worship anymore, he thinks, and while he's not sure what to call them -- he just knows that he can't... do this without jack, whatever "this" happens to be. trying to deal with it after helios was too much, trying to fight it while on the pygmalion failed, and being without it here in this weird graveyard they find themselves in -- that was even worse. they're entwined now in some way and rhys really doesn't want to go without jack anymore. it just... hurts too much to do so, rhys gets that now.

so, mumbled against jack's shoulder with hands still so desperately clinging to him, jack will hear rhys' voice -- quiet and sad. ]

Don't leave me again, Jack. Please.

[refactor]

[ Jack isn't surprised at all when Rhys returns that hug and so desperately. Part of it could be because he's come to understand Rhys much better in the weeks since he'd died, but likely more than that, it was just obvious to him, in a way. This sort of thing fit perfectively into that ongoing narrative that was always in Jack's mind. It had become a sad story, and it wasn't at all the one he wanted or had envisioned when this way of thinking had started to take over, but this? This fit that well.

He doesn't hug Rhys tighter as he clings in return, but that could be because at least for half of the hug, guy's got a strong grip. Jack almost laughs when he realizes it, because there's always something hilarious about Rhys forgetting that he has one arm that's super useful, but now isn't the moment for that. When Rhys speaks, Jack hesitates briefly, because what comes to mind might be a bit too much. He can recognize that it's probably a little weird, but-- It's just Jack being a physical guy more than any sentiment. Or at the very least, whatever that sentiment was, it was still somthing muddled and confusing to him.

So he turns his head slightly towards Rhys so that he can kiss Rhys's temple very lightly before he rests his cheek against Rhys's head. He's the calmer one here and that carries in his tone, because really, he hasn't suffered at all compared to what Rhys has been through. However, that's not something Jack himself is aware of. ]

I'm not leaving, Rhys. Promise.

[ It's a crueler promise than he knows. He's absolutely the last thing that Rhys needs, but Jack, ever selfish, just wants someone, anyone to rely on him like this. There's nothing left of the empire he'd worked so hard to build, but at least one person can give him the sense of purpose and responsibility that he always craves so desperately. ]

[jackhole]

[ jack needs someone to rely on him and rhys fits that bill, feeling the ball of anxiety and guilt in his gut finally loosen when jack kisses his temple and says exactly what rhys needs to hear. he's doomed himself in a way now because there's no extracting himself from this hold, no real split from jack if the time ever comes when he realizes just how terrible this decision is. while it was an extreme detachment before, it was easier when jack was just an AI -- all rhys had to do was unplug. now? jack has a body, a real physical presence here to hold rhys both gently and... not gently.

yet, rhys is still blind. instead, he feels satisfied and whole and a smile spreads across his face as his arms loosen slightly. the hug becomes less desperate and more just a comforting hold on one another. jack's not going to leave him and that -- that makes everything better for rhys. he feels... content. he feels like he can think clearly for the first time since arriving here, like his world has shifted back into place. he's not alone anymore.

he feels like he has to say something here, give something back to jack in thanks for jack helping realign his world again. he doesn't want to pull back from the hold, even as the water and mud makes it less and less comfortable as the moments pass so, he just pulls his head back to look at jack. ]

Hey, uhm. Good job, by the way, with the -- the aliens and stuff. I really didn't think you'd help anyone but you... did so. I guess I'm proud of you? I dunno.

[ he shrugs and it's light and a little embarrassed but they both know rhys has been watching and from rhys' perspective -- as broken and skewed as it is -- he truly believes jack did his best, that he was part of the hero rhys once thought him to be. so, he's proud, genuinely so. ]

[refactor]

[ Yeah, their weird tumble earlier makes this a less than ideal hug, so when Rhys pulls back, Jack takes a half step back too. His hand remains on Rhys's shoulder as if he doesn't want to break that contact fully, at least. He looks surprised at first, but he easily cracks a wry smile. ]

Yeah, well... Could've done better. Would have loved to have gone down taking the last fucker out, but, eh, what'll you do, I guess?

[ Jack seems pretty casual about it, but in reality, he's more than a little upset than he hadn't. However, since he doesn't remember hardly anything of his death or even who to blame, that at least softens that feeling for now. That, and of course Rhys's praise is what he wants to hear here. He'd hated peoples' assumptions about him and the sort of man he was, so finally hearing someone thank him for his work was something of a relief. It's a surprise to him, but it's one that he seems pretty genuinely thankful for, even if he doesn't quite say that. He gives Rhys a pat on the shoulder then steps past him to motion for Rhys to follow as they head back to "civilization" or at least what apparently passes for it in death. ]

...By the way, though. I don't blame you for the alien thing, kiddo. I know you had no way of knowing. So... Yeah. If you were worried about that? Don't be.

[jackhole]

[ rhys nods in agreement because that, well, it makes sense. a fight to the death? that's pretty damn cool. he thinks jack's suited to a fight to the death, honestly. only way someone like jack can really die -- which he still never does.

so, instead he follows jack dutifully, flesh hand fidgeting with robot hand as he still tries to shake out the last bit of the water. he's not really thinking too hard about it other than his delight to be around jack again when jack's words catch him off guard. ]

Wait, what?

[ he blinks, shock covering his face as he stops in his tracks and just -- no? jack was wrong, it was all tied up together. he deserved being an alien because he had betrayed jack so badly, doesn't jack see that? he gives a shake of his head and moves forward quickly, hand reaching out to curl around jack's elbow and tug him to a stop. ]

But it was deserved, Jack. If -- if anyone on this ship deserved that happening, it was me, for betraying you. Isn't that why you shot me? You had to know that would happen.

[ rhys' experiences with his alien were individual, were tied up in his guilt over killing jack and his abandonment from fiona. he never even talked to elizabeth about how he really felt about it, so sure in what he knew to be "true" that he hadn't felt the need to bring it up. now though, jack makes him question it and it's -- it's weird. jack has to see what he sees, right? ]

[refactor]

[ Jack stops when Rhys tugs on his elbow, but he looks back with a look of mild confusion. He does agree that it was deserved, at least to some degree, but... Not quite for what Rhys is explaining. There's a pause as he realizes the disconnect, and he even realizes that this is probably the damage that Elizabeth had implied in her messages. He turns to face Rhys fully, but he doesn't try and break that touch so long as Rhys doesn't. ]

...No, I didn't, Rhys.

[ There's no nickname this time, because even Jack is aware of the gravity of what he's admitting here. Perhaps if he hadn't watched those videos, his response here would be harsher, maybe even proud, but... That feeling had quickly faded with each one he watched. He still felt stupid about that, too. Watching someone's friggin' diaries shouldn't do that. It should be filled with juicy secrets and hilarious bullshit that he could totally fuck with Rhys about, not... What he found. He had gone searching for answers as to why Rhys chose to betray him, but he'd ended up with much more than he bargained for.

Jack sighs and looks to the side, and he almost seems uncomfortable here. This conversation is a difficult one for him to navigate, since he wants to say the right thing here. It's not quite the right thing in the sense that it would soothe Rhys's worries, but he just wants to explain whatever had come from taking the time to dig through those videos. ]

Look— I shot you because... I lost my temper. Wish I could say it was more than that. But, uh. Wasn't.

[ He makes an discontent noise, then looks back to Rhys, but his jaw is set rather tightly in how uncomfortable he is about trying to put this into words. ]

It was still-- I mean, no, I won't repeat myself here. I said my thoughts on it. But, kiddo, I didn't get where it was coming from in the first place then. [ He shrugs ] Now... Now, I guess I kinda do.

[ "Kind of," but he's also trying to underplay it here out of his own ego and his own difficulty in expressing what he feels. It's one thing to know he relates to someone more deeply than he had ever expected, but it's completely another for him to actually express that. At least, so far as Jack is concerned. He's hardly so fully trusting of Rhys to open up like that again so easily. So instead of that explanation behind it that prompts the words, they might seem almost abrupt for Jack, since none of the thoughts behind it will be very clear to Rhys. ]

So— So, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, alright? I fucked up and lost my temper, and this- [ He motions between them ] Yeah, this is what we've got to show for it.