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week 12 | friday evening
[ rhys doesn't really remember how long he's been out here and he... honestly doesn't really care, a feeling he's come to associate with being dead. the listlessness, the apathy, the complete indifference of who arrives and who doesn't. elizabeth's arrival was a shake up to his routine and while he wasn't sure if he was grateful for it or not, it meant that he was able to knock himself out of the mindset he fell into -- the obsessive watching to even see just a scrap of knowledge that he mattered, the crushing loneliness when he realized he didn't, the pitiful need for any sort of explanation that he just... did not get.
he understands why jack killed him, he understands that it wasn't sustainable. that was a mistake rhys was making eyes wide open, he gets that.
... but fiona? he had done so much for her and her for him -- they'd been through so much together! he thought that they were friends, if nothing else, and that she would protect him as much as possible and he in return. he... thought that was the understanding they shared with each other, that no matter how rough things became -- they had each other's backs, even if they were wrong. that was their bond, that was what kept them at each other's side even when heading in such clearly opposite directions. he wonders what changed here, on the pygmalion.
it was hearing that she didn't care that much for him in the end, from some -- some stranger. some woman who didn't know the two of them from anywhere, that for some reason fiona trusted to confide in her more than rhys, that he was just swept under the rug so surely without any second thought? he was sitting next to elizabeth, watching that trial and hearing those words come out of that woman's mouth -- he couldn't do it anymore. he couldn't put himself through this.
he'd... lost everything.
what was the point?
so, he excused himself and left. he walked and walked and kept walking and the thing about being dead is, you don't really need to stop for anything. hunger? sleep? rest? anything like that -- it's unnecessary. it's not something that he needs to prioritize and rhys felt so lost now that he'd truly been abandoned by everyone now that he just... didn't bother prioritizing anymore.
after a while, he found a stream and instead of continuing to walk, he sat. he leaned against a tree, knees pulled to his chest and eyes fixed on the stream running across the ground in front of him and he just stayed like that.
a few days passed, and he continued to stay just like that. sometimes he thought about moving, going back to see elizabeth, going to see who died this week, going to see what happened next but --
... but what was the point? ]
he understands why jack killed him, he understands that it wasn't sustainable. that was a mistake rhys was making eyes wide open, he gets that.
... but fiona? he had done so much for her and her for him -- they'd been through so much together! he thought that they were friends, if nothing else, and that she would protect him as much as possible and he in return. he... thought that was the understanding they shared with each other, that no matter how rough things became -- they had each other's backs, even if they were wrong. that was their bond, that was what kept them at each other's side even when heading in such clearly opposite directions. he wonders what changed here, on the pygmalion.
it was hearing that she didn't care that much for him in the end, from some -- some stranger. some woman who didn't know the two of them from anywhere, that for some reason fiona trusted to confide in her more than rhys, that he was just swept under the rug so surely without any second thought? he was sitting next to elizabeth, watching that trial and hearing those words come out of that woman's mouth -- he couldn't do it anymore. he couldn't put himself through this.
he'd... lost everything.
what was the point?
so, he excused himself and left. he walked and walked and kept walking and the thing about being dead is, you don't really need to stop for anything. hunger? sleep? rest? anything like that -- it's unnecessary. it's not something that he needs to prioritize and rhys felt so lost now that he'd truly been abandoned by everyone now that he just... didn't bother prioritizing anymore.
after a while, he found a stream and instead of continuing to walk, he sat. he leaned against a tree, knees pulled to his chest and eyes fixed on the stream running across the ground in front of him and he just stayed like that.
a few days passed, and he continued to stay just like that. sometimes he thought about moving, going back to see elizabeth, going to see who died this week, going to see what happened next but --
... but what was the point? ]
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It wasn't as if Jack hadn't expected to die. He's not sure when exactly that had changed, but at some point, his eternal faith in himself had faltered. It wasn't quite that he accepted his mortality, but rather, he accepted the odds he was working against. For once, when he had see Elizabeth and Rhys both twisted into a monster he couldn't understand, he knew that he was fighting something beyond him. He'd struggled to take every advantage he could, but he hadn't been able to grasp that little edge he needed.
But strangely... He thought he would be more conflicted about it. More upset. Maybe it's because he knew it would happen. Maybe it's because part of him doesn't believe this is even real. Either way, that frantic energy to succeed hadn't abated at all as soon as he'd woken up here. There was still so much to be done, so many words to be said, and so Jack feels that so long as he's alive in some capcity...
That's enough, he thinks.
Elizabeth and the rest are spoken to and dealt with first, but eventually, it's one person's absence that has him brushing everyone else off. He makes an excuse of some kind, and because no one knows Jack, had never bothered to know him, only Elizabeth looks at him knowingly as he leaves. He's no more sure of where to go looking than he had been when Elizabeth had texted him in her worry, so he just... wanders. Jack wanders in this strange "death", looking for that one person that was missing, and it does take him time.
By the time he makes it to the forests, he's feeling both impatient and frustrated, because- Okay, because goddammit, Rhys shouldn't be making this so hard for him? Even in death, he's kind of a dick, apparently. But here, Jack is fairly sure that the only person here would be Rhys, if he was here at all. It's enough for him to start calling out into the forest, even if he feels like an idiot for doing so. ]
Rhys—!
[ He yells his name out into the forest, but he ends up pausing as he hears the sound of a stream nearby. It's... strange, honestly. This kind of scenery feels so unfamiliar to him, and hearing something natural like that, it briefly strikes him. But only briefly, because Jack shakes his head and sighs before he starts up again. He doesn't walk further, just stands where he is as if he's hoping Rhys might just suddenly appear to help him avoid the trouble of him looking. ]
Goddammit, Rhys, if you're friggin' out here, don't make me waste my breath! Where the hell are you hiding?
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goddamnit, rhys. ]
Jack?
[ he's pushing himself up from the ground then, not really thinking about it as he pulls his eyes away from the nature in front of him to go in the direction of the voice. it's been... nice, he thinks, to get away to someplace that is so different from both the pygmalion, helios, and pandora. somewhere that he could just be alone and think and not focus on the hell his life has become, not focus on the gaping emptiness inside him at being so alone and instead just deal with this new reality. this new reality of being alone and... ]
Jack, what the hell? Fuck off.
[ actually, wait. fuck that. it comes out more annoyed than he thought it would and suddenly, like a punch to the gut, he's pretty damn angry. he can't really explain why, not sure which one of them is more wrong here in this scenario but he just -- he was not ready to see jack again. jack probably sees him come around a tree, leaving them to spot each other across the clearing and for a moment, rhys hesitates, feeling a swell of emotions in his gut as his expression catches in surprise. there's hurt, there's anger, there's relief and weirdly enough, joy to see that jack is here. with him. despite how everything went down.
... but also, fuck jack.
the surprise drops a moment later and he looks pretty god damn pissed, grabbing the closest rock he can find on the ground next to him and throwing it right at jack. if that one doesn't hit, he's going to do it again. and again. and again. jack's just going to keep getting rocks thrown at him from where rhys is until one of them pelts him in the god damn face. ]
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For his part, rage twists in Jack's gut first, because that emotion always comes to him the easiest. Seeing Rhys's face again pulls up all of those nasty, ugly feelings. His anger at everything is quick to return, since Jack's anger has never been easily quieted, and this one is varied. There's the simple hurt of being lied to from the very start, the bitterness of Rhys laying out all of his sins for everyone to see, the anger at hearing Rhys talk about the company he had stolen from Jack's grip, and... He still doesn't know what that weekend was supposed to mean, not really. It was probably just a fling (at best), and he knows that, but all the same, it was never easy for him to open himself to other people. Even if it was just a weekend where they'd been tangled up in each other, it was more than people tended to see of who Jack really was. So there's a part there that feels like a fool for trusting Rhys's words.
But for once, the rage doesn't overpower the rest.
He's not sure why he came out here looking for Rhys, or- No, he knows, he wants to talk, but that's about as far as he'd made it. Watching those videos of Rhys's had cooled Jack's rage, because he saw more similarity between them than he would have guessed, but it was the most uncomfortable parts. It's not a similarity that's easy to talk about, and Jack probably doesn't even want to. But there are so people that he feels understand, that he understands, and that's the difference, really, because otherwise, he would have absoltely tested just what 'death' meant here. Jack didn't forget his grudges, and they came with violence. So it's probably appropriate that Rhys beats him to it. ]
Hey— What the hell?
[ Jack raises an arm up to block his face as Rhys throws a rock, and the second he swings out to catch in his hand. ]
Yeah, okay, probably-! Probably deserve that, but what the hell, rocks? At least do something less friggin' stup— shit!
[ Jack is half yelling at Rhys as he throws the rocks, and his preoccupation with running his mouth is his downfall here, as usual. The third one hits him in the face as Rhys had been aiming, nice and squarely in the temple. He makes a sharp, pained noise, since, well, there we go. Still fucking hurts, even in death, good to know. He reaches up to touch his temple, then looks at the blood on his fingertips before it's back to Rhys. ]
Fuck you too! Are you done, or are you going to throw more rocks at me like a goddamn child?
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he deserved his death, he thinks. it's clear by what he became and how little it mattered to everyone here, especially fiona. that letter to her was his last salvation, the one way he could look her in the eyes and not feel like the scum of the earth anymore and she -- she ignored it. she ignored him.
but jack didn't. jack, who put a bullet in his skull because rhys exposed his secrets and didn't even know what else lurked underneath rhys' skin. still, jack mourned him and that was more than anything else rhys got and now rhys is conflicted. he's angry at jack for killing him but he's grateful to jack for mourning him. it's... stupid, god. it's so fucking stupid and he doesn't know how to actually deal with it.
so, he keeps throwing rocks. ]
I'm -- I'm going to keep throwing rocks! You killed me, you fucking dickhead.
[ seriously, he really hopes he doesn't run out of rocks soon because he doesn't actually know what to do after that. he'll only pause for a moment when he catches sight of jack's fingertips covered in blood and... huh. ]
-- Hey, is that blood?
[ a second where he pauses and... and yeah, he's throwing more rocks. ]
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Yeah, I did! And I'm about to kill you again if you don't- [ He breaks off again, since another smacks him, this time in the neck, so not quite hard enough to draw blood. ]
Fuck! Stop throwing rocks!?
[ There is definitely a question in his tone here much more than an actual threat, because there's something just... ridiculous about this. Later, he might prefer that, but for now, this is goddamn stupid, because here he is trying to apologize or something, and he's getting rocks thrown at him? Getting shot in the face would be less insulting.
But as such, he's definitely not just going to stand there and get rocks thrown at him either. There's some kind of apology or whatever he came out here looking for Rhys to say on his tongue, but for now. Rocks. Stopping the rocks are more important, and it may actually be slightly more worrying when Jack bolts at Rhys, but this is less a threat and more to just shorten the amount of time Rhys has to throw rocks at him. He's definitely going to just tackle Rhys to stop this, since it seems perfectly reasonable to Jack. Of course, as you'd expect, he doesn't think this through at all, so they might just both end up in the creek if neither one of them is careful. ]
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I don't wanna.
[ yeah, it comes out like an especially hysterical whine and he lets out an offended noise as he picks up another rock to throw but then...! then jack is bolting at him and rhys lets out a rather shrill scream as he takes a step back but here is where it gets really stupid. the grass behind rhys is muddy because, of course it is, and the creek is a little slide down the hill here so as jack launches himself at rhys, rhys' arms flail in the air a little and --
down they go.
this is such a ridiculous thing that for a moment, rhys really does forget everything bothering him other than the audacity jack has to tackle him into the water. it's not deep, pretty shallow, but it's enough to soak the both of them and rhys feels himself spluttering water in the process. oh god, his arm. his back too because ow, what the fuck? he landed straight on it and he's not nearly as heavy as jack is, ow. since they've landed in the stream with jack on top, rhys lets out another offended noise and with his flesh hand, grabs a handful of mud. what does he do with this mud?
shoves it in jack's face. ]
You can't tell me you don't deserve this! Dickkhead!
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Jack at least starts to move off of Rhys once they tumble into the water, again another good sign of how he's changed in some way in itself. His hands don't come to Rhys's neck to push his head under the water to both strangle and drown him, since that's roughly what Jack would do normally. No, instead, he gets a face full of mud, and that's met with an offended noise. ]
Oh, we're onto mud now? Friggin' mud, really?
[ His tone is getting more irritated, but his response is entirely predictable. He grabs a fistful of mud too, but instead of Rhys's face, Jack drags his muddy hand through Rhys's true point of pride: his hair. They may both be adults, but this petty exchange would probably throw that into question were anyone else watching. ]
Fine! I deserve it! But you're not comin' up smelling like roses either, Rhysie!
[ He's really going to make sure that mud is caked in there as he makes his point. ]
You lied to me— Stole my shit, killed me, and lied to me about it, so I think I have a pretty good reason to be pissed too!
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My hair!
[ he's. actually genuinely upset here because, well, everything. he's pretty stressed out, jack makes him feel too many things, he's covered in water and mud and now his hair is covered in mud. he looks at jack, distraught, and unsure of what to do of next which means --
yes, he's tearing up. ]
I didn't want to lie! What was I supposed to say?! Hey, Jack, it's actually been a year since I last saw you and that's only because I killed you. You strangled me in our first conversation, there wasn't -- there wasn't really any way to come back from that, Jack.
[ SNIFFS... yes, he's going to rub at his eyes now because damnit, jack. you ruined his hair and hurt his feelings, he's gonna cry again. ]
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[ Because Jack definitely isn't vindictive at all, nope, that doesn't sound like him at all. ]
[ As Rhys scrambles back further into the water, Jack ends up moving back to sit more on the shore of the stream, since he's not going to follow Rhys more into the water. Tackling him was probably enough, he figures, but as he reaches up to start wiping the mud off his face, he groans exaggeratedly when he sees Rhys's eyes filling up with tears. It's like it's a frustrating inconvenience to him, and as Rhys explains, he sharply flicks his hand to toss some mud to the side. ]
Okay, granted, I totally- Yeah, I would have friggin' killed you either way, but.
[ Jack is at least self-aware enough to admit that pretty easily, since it's a well known part of his personality. Anyone that crosses his path in a way he doesn't like is cut down, and really, that hadn't changed at all. It probably never would. But the fact that Jack isn't immediately trying to recreate this is a sign that something has changed, even though that isn't exactly clear. ]
All the rest of the shit that went with it, that was unnecessary, kiddo. Whatever, you don't want to lie to me because you don't want me to turbo murder you, fine. Get that. Pisses me off, but at least makes some sense. But you trust me, we're a team, you want to get to know me?
[ He wipes off more of the mud, and then pauses. He looks at it almost thoughtfully before he just tosses it at Rhys's face. Whether it'll actually hit him is a crapshoot, since aiming your mud flinging is pretty difficult, but it's the principle of the action that's the point. ]
Yeah, you wanted to prove something to me, you did, so great job. Proved to me that trusting you for even a second was a stupid fucking mistake.
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I'm gonna -- I'm gonna wash it out, fuck you!
[ epic comebacks with rhys, all bitten out through tears and everything. he gets kind of fed up as jack keeps talking and through his stupid teary everything, he's going to try and push himself up from the creek and with very awkward waddling steps, head to the other side. he probably gets hit with jack's mud along the way which makes him stumble slightly, reaching out his hands to grab at the shore and he lands on his knees on dry land. this is completely stupid.
he'll roll over to sit on the dirt then, dripping went and covered in everything ever, glaring at jack on the other side of the stream and lifting up his hand to deal with his arm. he has to drain it of water, that's the most important part, and because i just realized there really is no way for him to do this without like some severe dismantling, he's going to do that too.
so, enjoy watching rhys gently unscrew his limbs here, jack, as he sniffles and looks like a wet dog. he's as sad as one too. when he speaks, it's less screechy and just kind of sad and miserable. ugh, fuck you, jack. ]
I wasn't lying about any of that. If -- if it had to do with back home, yeah. I lied. I killed you, I took Atlas, I knew all your dirty little secrets and how big a piece of shit you were. I kept knowing that a secret because I didn't want to die and you're the best bet for getting us out of here. You're insane but you're smart and that's why I'd pick being on your side any day. I -- I still had every intention of killing you before we got back to Pandora though.
[ so... there's that. he hesitates then, pouring water out of his unscrewed hand and sighing deeply. when he continues, he doesn't bother looking at jack, just meticulously focusing on the dismantling. ]
But the rest? All cards on the table?
[ a short, sad shrug here. ]
The rest was true. Especially during -- well, you fucking know. That was true. How I feel about you, isn't a lie -- just a mistake. A really huge mistake that I don't really want to keep thinking about, honestly. And -- and I'm grateful that you killed me, by the way, because you saved everyone from me, but now I don't really know how to deal with you after all this so seriously, fuck off. Because you're just going to try killing me again and I don't want to deal with it. You've put me through enough, Jack. Let me deal with my death on my own.
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In a lot more ways than would be expected, Jack was a simple man. It was just wrapped up in too much for most people to care to decipher.
But rather than get angry again, he waits, and he listens. He's probably gotten better at listening, though this doesn't occur to him. Here (or there? he's not sure what to call the difference between this place and the ship now), no one knew he was, or they didn't care. They would talk to him, make him listen, because they weren't cowed by his threats. He'd thought at first that it was just because they were idiots that didn't know any better, and they should be damn grateful that he was such a nice guy, but in the past few weeks— In losing everything, bit by bit, he'd realize it wasn't quite that. It was because he was powerless. He had no way to stop people from talking, and even in death, it wasn't that simple. He'd watched enough of Rhys's videos to know that especially well.
So, he listens, but he does interrupt briefly before Rhys finishes: ]
I'm not here to kill you, dickhead.
[ Jack's anger ebbs away quickly with every word, but there's still tension apparent in how he carries himself. He balances his arms on his knees and drops his head as he breathes out a sigh that's full of frustration. There's a long pause as he just shakes his head, because he's not sure what to say here. He's had plenty of time to think about it, technically, but he really just... hadn't. There was always something else to occupy his thoughts, some other grand plan that he had to work on, because it'd felt like if he ever paused, that would be it. The end.
Yet, here he is.
He runs a hand through his hair with another sound of frustration, and unlike Rhys, he doesn't care that this absolutely gets mud in his hair. He's had worse things in it, if he's honest. He ends up looking up at Rhys again when he drops his hand from his hair, and he shakes his head. His expression is still one that's clearly upset, and his words sound like they're coming from stubbornness and maybe spite more than anything else. ]
Yeah, well, tough shit, Rhys. I'm not leaving you alone. I went through enough shit trying to get here, so you're stuck with me. At least— [ He looks away, roughly where he had come walking from, then groans as he drags his hands over his face. There's a reason that he's insisting here, but it's not something that Jack wasn't to necessarily bring up for multiple reasons, and most of them are selfish. So instead, he deflects that subtle concern. ] Jesus, at least until I can go talk to those shitiots without wanting to punch them all in the goddamn face. You, Liz-- I can deal with you two. But I hate the rest of those friggin' mouth-breathing losers.
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... and fiona still hasn't talked to him. she arrived last week too, didn't she? fuck.
rhys takes a moment then to pull a handkerchief out of his pocket, wet from the stream but still clean and he wipes the mud off his face as he grumbles quietly in response. ]
Called you a dickhead first, dickhead.
[ look, he's petulant enough to go there right now. he doesn't even know what to say, how to make sense of all of this and the fact that jack hasn't immediately murdered him again -- it's. it's weird. did something change for jack? rhys isn't sure and the anxiety makes him stick to his stomach and god damnit, he wants to cry again. or puke. or both. instead he just continues to sit on this side of the stream and watch jack, frown tugging at his face as he decides to rescrew his hand back together. rhys isn't sure if jack refusing to leave him is punishment or not and the way jack phrases it, it doesn't seem like it. jack sticking with rhys until he gets his revenge, making rhys do his bidding, that seems more along the lines of what rhys expected.
... but this? the implication that rhys is one of the two people jack tolerates here, that jack wants to be around after dying because everyone else just fucking sucks (which rhys agrees with) -- that's a bit more than rhys is able to deal with.
so, he takes more time to process it, to figure out how he feels, and the stream keeps passing between them. he feels the mud drying in his hair and the soft breeze against his skin and he can tell the sun is about to go down too, the orange glow of the sky through the tops of the trees indication enough. when rhys speaks again, it's hesitant, curious. ]
Hey, Jack? [ a pause. how does he phrase this the right way? ] Does this -- does this make us even? Feels like it should. After Helios and after that trial, [ after the both of them killing each other on separate occasions ] ... Kind of feels like this is our chance to wipe the slate clean. Maybe start again? ... Please?
[ the desperation to start fresh is clear on rhys' face because fuck. he has nothing left anyway. if fiona abandoned him, that has to mean everyone else has to and that -- that means the only one he has left here is jack. jack who came looking for him when fiona didn't and that... that says something, doesn't it? jack killed him and yet still came to see how he was. rhys isn't really sure what to make of that but it does make a bubble of hope well up in him anyway. ]
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So it's probably a bit strange that they sit there in silence as Jack seems to be trying to think of how to approach the conversation, but Rhys beats him to it, in a way. Jack looks up from wherever his gaze had been averted to, and though the upset never quite fades from his features, it's at least duller by the time they've both had their silence. ]
Even? Even— [ It's not what Jack seems to have been expecting, and he laughs. There's an edge to the laugh, but it's not quite one verging on danger.
In Jack's mind, that laugh doesn't come from a conflict of any sort. In his mind, now that he's at least forgiven Rhys himself for what Rhys had done to him in some way-- Yeah, they were even. He hadn't thought so, not at first, and he probably wouldn't have ever gotten to that conclusion if he hadn't watched every single one of those stupid diaries, including (or especially) that one that was so desperately hidden away. Betrayal was something that cut Jack too deeply for him to ever forgive it, he'd always figured. But he also hadn't ever expected to see the same emotion laid out so cleanly before him that it was almost like a mirror.
It was strange and uncomfortable, and that's what makes this so difficult, and it's what makes him laugh. They're similar, so goddamn similar, and-- Jack isn't sure what that means. He has to wonder if he ever will, because no matter how much he dwells on it, he can't pull out the simple, clean answer he wants. And so, he talks. It's like that desperate "please" is what undoes the dam on whatever Jack was hesitating to say, because Jack's response follows not even a moment after. ]
Y'know Rhys, I heard you were watching me, which, weird, but not unexpected, if I'm honest. Like, one, weird because what the hell, the dead people can just watch us? I would apologize for jerking it so much, but no, you choose to watch, you have to see all of that. That, and I mean, if we're honest, nothing you hadn't seen before. And two, weird because— [ He pauses briefly to run a hand through his hair, making an exasperated noise as he does. ] God, because, crazy, I know, but I'm a talker? I talk to myself. Talk to myself waaaaay too much, now that I'm aware of it, goddammit. So, if you were watching, you saw... A lot. And that's weird. Don't... know how I feel about all that.
But, I mean, yeah, we're even on that too. Because I was just looking for answers on your drive, kiddo. You— You really screwed me over. You've gotta see that, right? You see that from my point of view, and one day, we're friggin' fuckbuddies, and the next, you're trying to stab me. Which, I would have forgiven you for the stabbing. Hell, I've been stabbed worse, so no big. But- But, no, you went even farther than that. You trying to kill me or whatever the hell that crazy bullshit was about, whatever. But—
[ His expression twists up here, but it's not quite at Rhys. The way his jaw tightens and his lips curl up, it almost looks like Jack is the one that's going to be sick, but that expression is hidden as he drops his head and shakes it. ]
She was my daughter. Even- Even if it's— [ This thought, he doesn't seem to finish. ] I didn't deserve to find out that way. Everything else, whatever, I don't give a shit. But that was my baby girl. She was the only family I had left.
[ There's a pause here, but this one doesn't linger as long as the last. That's the difficult part, really. The rest, this is easier, because this was the realization he'd already had and struggled with earlier. And really, that struggle wasn't done, but it was leading Jack and Rhys to the same place. Jack looks up at him again, but his expression is more tired now. It's sad in a way that doesn't seem to suit Jack at all, because for all of that animated energy he always displayed, this seems to be antithesis of that. ]
So, if what you talked about in all of those videos is true? It's more than wiping the slate clean. I mean, overall. Not for- [ He motions to the two of them generally, but he doesn't finish that thought. ] After Helios, after that trial, after Nuwa? My slate's gone. Just friggin' dust in the wind. And I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party or anything. Already did that, and hell, you might've even seen it. But-
[ Jack sighs, then starts to stand. ]
Dunno why I came looking for you, if I'm honest here. I don't know what the hell all of this bullshit has even been. I mean, why your head? That's what I've been thinking. Of every idiot employee, why'd I get plugged into your brain, of all people? Because it's- Man, it's like this weird circle. Because I watched your goddamn videos, and you know what pissed me off about them? I watched that shit. Saw you struggle. Saw you cry. Saw you get drunk and talk about stupid bullshit, about how you stole from me, how you hated me. And y'know why that pissed me off? Because- Christ, because I listen to shit like that, and it's like my own goddamn words spilling out of your mouth.
[ Maybe that's the point he had meandering and rambling to get to, but it's not clear. He's good at talking, but really, this doesn't feel like talking so much as it was some kind of confession almost. All of those thoughts milling around in his head finally have somewhere to go, and for better or worse, it seems like Rhys is the one to receive them. Jack stands there and crosses his arms, but he looks down at Rhys with an expression that's nothing short of conflicted. ]
You showed me why you're stronger than I gave you credit for. Because, yeah, I was definitely going to kill you again if I showed up here sooner. Thought you deserved it. Still kinda do, but, I mean, you're here. I'm not strangling you. So I'm not gonna. But that being said? You- You wanna friggin' wipe the slate clean? Like nothing ever... No, it happened, think we both know that for damn sure.
[ Jack sighs heavily, but the last question he poses is a very simple one: ]
Why?
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... but rhys can't listen to that voice. he never really could, even all the way back when he worked for hyperion. there's a conflict in him when it comes to jack, a desperate need to be on his good side and make jack like him and then an immense disgust at the things jack's done that he can only now understand for the evil that those actions are. if rhys was a better person -- hell, if rhys was any other person, he might be able to navigate these feelings and come out on the right side of it. jack is bad. do not give in to jack. fiona helped him see that clearly but... fiona isn't here anymore, is she?
thing is, rhys is not a good person. rhys is selfish and needy and wants what would make him happy above anything else and right now -- jack... makes him happy. he's lonely and hurt and desperately looking for some sort of connection, someone to make him feel better about not just what happened here on the pygmalion but everything before that too, what happened on helios, what happened on pandora -- everything. he's on some sort of weird emotional precipice here and whatever he says next to jack will pretty much determine how he goes forward, he gets that on some level but it's been a hard few weeks and rhys has never been someone who can deal with this kind of emotional upheaval in a healthy way. if he had support, maybe...
but he doesn't. his support is jack and jack's the one here right now talking to him about how rhys hurt him and how similar they are and how he doesn't understand how they ended up together either and rhys can only sigh. he pushes up from the ground too, brushing leaves and dirt off his pants as he pushes the sleeves of his shirt up his elbows and his hands rest on his hips. he kicks at the ground a little, a small stone flopping into the water after and rhys looks up at jack again. ]
Why not? You say you don't have anything left but -- but neither do I, Jack. You saw how people reacted to my death, you saw how Fiona did -- I've got nothing here. I don't even know if we're going to go back home, you know? What's -- what's even home anyway? Pandora? That planet is a shithole and if Fiona doesn't want me there -- I, I mean. Vaughn's settled, he's happy, but what do I've got? Atlas? What's the point of doing all this if I'm alone? I've got nowhere to go so what's the fucking point? No one wants me around, I'm just a waste of space here.
[ his lets out a frustrated noise and lifts his hands, dragging his fingers through his mud caked hair and kicking at the ground again. ]
I feel... awful too. Shit, I've felt so guilty since fucking Helios that being here with you, being friends or... whatever again, I couldn't take it after a while. I wanted to tell you the truth about what happened -- you know that now, you saw what I said. But I didn't know how or if I should and then I was so upset... the nightmares just got to me, Jack. So... that's why I told you about Angel. That's why I told you like I did, because I wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it wasn't the right thing to do and I paid for it and -- and because of it I turned into... that thing. Fitting.
[ his hands drop to hug himself again, taking a step back from the shore and further away from jack as he starts thinking about it again. why him? why did the ship pick... him? they must've known the truth, deep down, how awful he really was. that's what rhys has to believe for it all to make sense to him.
otherwise, why would he feel so... alone? ]
So, why wouldn't I want to wipe the slate clean? Look at us, Jack. We're -- we're alone now. [ he's lifts a hand then to start counting off on his fingers. ] No friends. No family. No one out there -- [ a jab of a finger, out of the woods, to the rest of the graveyard ] Gives a shit about either one of us, not really. So, there's no guarantee we'll get anything back or ever even leave this place and I don't want what happened before to hang over my head. The truth is right there laid flat for once, Jack. There's no more secrets between us and I just... don't want to spend the rest of my time here looking over my shoulder, waiting for you to snap and kill me again. That isn't fair. You watched my videos, you heard my side of this -- I've given you everything I've got! There's nothing else for you to take. So just... please don't take anything else.
[ he feels like he's getting off track here, his emotions getting the best of him as he keeps talking through the mush of feelings and trauma and aching despair left in him. if rhys was luckier, maybe this would've been someone else on the other side of this conversation, someone else who would help heal up his fractured ... everything.
but instead, he gets jack and even with rhys' small hope that jack wants to move on just as much as he does, wants to move on with rhys even, rhys knows that the likelihood of that is so small because... rhys doesn't deserve it.
he really doesn't, he thinks.
when he speaks again, it's almost pleading -- like he's hoping on some level that jack can just... say the right thing to make it all better again. isn't that supposed to be what jack does? isn't that supposed to be what heroes do? rhys always thought so and he presses a hand to his forehead, shoulders slumping. ]
... I'm so tired, Jack. I thought death was supposed to be more peaceful than this.
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That was what probably started this bullshit in the first place, he thinks. That was another weird thing to find out that they were similar in. Being alone was always something Jack had taken as a necessity for the dreams he aspired to, but even then, he never felt he was truly alone. His social circle was very small, granted, but the people he held dear to him were so incredibly important to him. He could look at Angel and remember why he was doing everything for her (though the thought of her now is... complicated). He could spend time with Nisha, lay next to her and just have the comfort of having someone that he could put his absolute trust in. And there were those few people where he could at least trust them to an extent. People like Wilhelm and Blake, though calling them friends was definitely a stretch. It wasn't much, but it was enough.
But here... Here, from the very start, Jack had felt an ache of loneliness that he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. He'd recognized it immediately and been frightened by it in a way that only this Jack could be. Here, without the power of Hyperion, but given a role that so desperately needed it because of the secrecy he was sworn to, it was oddly similar to the emptiness of the drive. For weeks, he could look at very face and know that he could have to be the one to kill them. It didn't come with guilt, since he'd long since stopped feeling such a thing. But it came with isolation.
It was different from being inside Rhys where he could torment and tease him at any hour of the day, but Jack had certainly done his damndest to keep it up anyways, much to Rhys's chagrin. It was dragging him to the gym, cooking for him, truly just drowning Rhys in his attention, because Rhys was the one that would bolster his ego and his confidence. But it was probably fitting in the irony. Jack had needed Rhys to do that so that he could continue on with his impossible task at hand, and he had even been the one to suggest them getting handcuffed together essentially for that reason. He'd ended up sharing a bed with the very thing he had been desperately trying to kill.
Jack looks up when Rhys apologizes, but his brow knits together tightly when Rhys speaks of paying for it in what he was. It's not quite for any real empathy for Rhys here that pulls out Jack's response, because in that sentiment... Maybe he does agree in his bitterness. But factually? ]
Now, wait, kiddo—
[ Jack starts to interrupt to respond, but he pauses too when Rhys continues on. Rhys starts to step back, and Jack takes a step forward so that he's nearly standing in the water again. He listens, and there's something like concern in his expression, but there's also a flicker of something familiar that Jack doesn't intend. There's conflict and surprise in Jack's expression in equal parts, and oddly, it's not unlike when Jack had been staring Rhys down as he removed those last cybernetics to "kill" Jack. The reasons for this kind of expression couldn't be more different, but it's a parallel that only Rhys could notice.
He walks through the stream without really caring about the fact that he's getting wet again, and his stride is about as confident as it can be considering the fact that he's carefully stepping through the slick rocks and the water. He comes to the other side of the shore, and he pauses, since he thought Rhys was finished. But before Rhys can even finish the word 'peaceful,' Jack is there to close that last distance. He's aggressive, physical, and pushy in that way he always is, but he simply grabs on of Rhys's wrists to tug him closer.
It's not like the hug he had given Elizabeth earlier, not that Rhys would know. There was a warmth and fondness in that hug, because in her case, Jack had come to genuinely understand her as a person. There weren't any illusions or projections between them anymore, and he had come to care for her as her. But for Rhys, it wasn't that simple. This is an embrace that's passionate in an entirely different way. It's possessive, because Jack needs this.
Whatever this was, Rhys was right. It was better than being alone, and this physicality is the only way Jack knows to convey that sentiment. ]
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so, they have nothing else (or at the very least, the both of them feel as if they don't) and that's a pretty dangerous place to be because then that means... they only have each other. rhys has jack and jack has rhys and that's... okay? it might be okay. rhys doesn't think he's very wrong in assuming that that's what this hug means and as the realization settles on him, he holds jack impossibly tighter and takes a step closer because jack can't leave him. not now, not after this.
maybe there's something weird about this, so desperately clinging to his own murderer but it's the same in reverse too, isn't it? rhys killed jack just the same when he ripped his cybernetics out and jack's voice just a moment ago, jack's expression before he crossed over to him, it holds that same kind of weight of that moment but this time -- this time rhys isn't going to make the mistake of letting jack go. jack said he's not going to kill him and jack doesn't lie so rhys knows that something changed here to make this possible.
his feelings for jack aren't even hero worship anymore, he thinks, and while he's not sure what to call them -- he just knows that he can't... do this without jack, whatever "this" happens to be. trying to deal with it after helios was too much, trying to fight it while on the pygmalion failed, and being without it here in this weird graveyard they find themselves in -- that was even worse. they're entwined now in some way and rhys really doesn't want to go without jack anymore. it just... hurts too much to do so, rhys gets that now.
so, mumbled against jack's shoulder with hands still so desperately clinging to him, jack will hear rhys' voice -- quiet and sad. ]
Don't leave me again, Jack. Please.
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He doesn't hug Rhys tighter as he clings in return, but that could be because at least for half of the hug, guy's got a strong grip. Jack almost laughs when he realizes it, because there's always something hilarious about Rhys forgetting that he has one arm that's super useful, but now isn't the moment for that. When Rhys speaks, Jack hesitates briefly, because what comes to mind might be a bit too much. He can recognize that it's probably a little weird, but-- It's just Jack being a physical guy more than any sentiment. Or at the very least, whatever that sentiment was, it was still somthing muddled and confusing to him.
So he turns his head slightly towards Rhys so that he can kiss Rhys's temple very lightly before he rests his cheek against Rhys's head. He's the calmer one here and that carries in his tone, because really, he hasn't suffered at all compared to what Rhys has been through. However, that's not something Jack himself is aware of. ]
I'm not leaving, Rhys. Promise.
[ It's a crueler promise than he knows. He's absolutely the last thing that Rhys needs, but Jack, ever selfish, just wants someone, anyone to rely on him like this. There's nothing left of the empire he'd worked so hard to build, but at least one person can give him the sense of purpose and responsibility that he always craves so desperately. ]
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yet, rhys is still blind. instead, he feels satisfied and whole and a smile spreads across his face as his arms loosen slightly. the hug becomes less desperate and more just a comforting hold on one another. jack's not going to leave him and that -- that makes everything better for rhys. he feels... content. he feels like he can think clearly for the first time since arriving here, like his world has shifted back into place. he's not alone anymore.
he feels like he has to say something here, give something back to jack in thanks for jack helping realign his world again. he doesn't want to pull back from the hold, even as the water and mud makes it less and less comfortable as the moments pass so, he just pulls his head back to look at jack. ]
Hey, uhm. Good job, by the way, with the -- the aliens and stuff. I really didn't think you'd help anyone but you... did so. I guess I'm proud of you? I dunno.
[ he shrugs and it's light and a little embarrassed but they both know rhys has been watching and from rhys' perspective -- as broken and skewed as it is -- he truly believes jack did his best, that he was part of the hero rhys once thought him to be. so, he's proud, genuinely so. ]
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Yeah, well... Could've done better. Would have loved to have gone down taking the last fucker out, but, eh, what'll you do, I guess?
[ Jack seems pretty casual about it, but in reality, he's more than a little upset than he hadn't. However, since he doesn't remember hardly anything of his death or even who to blame, that at least softens that feeling for now. That, and of course Rhys's praise is what he wants to hear here. He'd hated peoples' assumptions about him and the sort of man he was, so finally hearing someone thank him for his work was something of a relief. It's a surprise to him, but it's one that he seems pretty genuinely thankful for, even if he doesn't quite say that. He gives Rhys a pat on the shoulder then steps past him to motion for Rhys to follow as they head back to "civilization" or at least what apparently passes for it in death. ]
...By the way, though. I don't blame you for the alien thing, kiddo. I know you had no way of knowing. So... Yeah. If you were worried about that? Don't be.
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so, instead he follows jack dutifully, flesh hand fidgeting with robot hand as he still tries to shake out the last bit of the water. he's not really thinking too hard about it other than his delight to be around jack again when jack's words catch him off guard. ]
Wait, what?
[ he blinks, shock covering his face as he stops in his tracks and just -- no? jack was wrong, it was all tied up together. he deserved being an alien because he had betrayed jack so badly, doesn't jack see that? he gives a shake of his head and moves forward quickly, hand reaching out to curl around jack's elbow and tug him to a stop. ]
But it was deserved, Jack. If -- if anyone on this ship deserved that happening, it was me, for betraying you. Isn't that why you shot me? You had to know that would happen.
[ rhys' experiences with his alien were individual, were tied up in his guilt over killing jack and his abandonment from fiona. he never even talked to elizabeth about how he really felt about it, so sure in what he knew to be "true" that he hadn't felt the need to bring it up. now though, jack makes him question it and it's -- it's weird. jack has to see what he sees, right? ]
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...No, I didn't, Rhys.
[ There's no nickname this time, because even Jack is aware of the gravity of what he's admitting here. Perhaps if he hadn't watched those videos, his response here would be harsher, maybe even proud, but... That feeling had quickly faded with each one he watched. He still felt stupid about that, too. Watching someone's friggin' diaries shouldn't do that. It should be filled with juicy secrets and hilarious bullshit that he could totally fuck with Rhys about, not... What he found. He had gone searching for answers as to why Rhys chose to betray him, but he'd ended up with much more than he bargained for.
Jack sighs and looks to the side, and he almost seems uncomfortable here. This conversation is a difficult one for him to navigate, since he wants to say the right thing here. It's not quite the right thing in the sense that it would soothe Rhys's worries, but he just wants to explain whatever had come from taking the time to dig through those videos. ]
Look— I shot you because... I lost my temper. Wish I could say it was more than that. But, uh. Wasn't.
[ He makes an discontent noise, then looks back to Rhys, but his jaw is set rather tightly in how uncomfortable he is about trying to put this into words. ]
It was still-- I mean, no, I won't repeat myself here. I said my thoughts on it. But, kiddo, I didn't get where it was coming from in the first place then. [ He shrugs ] Now... Now, I guess I kinda do.
[ "Kind of," but he's also trying to underplay it here out of his own ego and his own difficulty in expressing what he feels. It's one thing to know he relates to someone more deeply than he had ever expected, but it's completely another for him to actually express that. At least, so far as Jack is concerned. He's hardly so fully trusting of Rhys to open up like that again so easily. So instead of that explanation behind it that prompts the words, they might seem almost abrupt for Jack, since none of the thoughts behind it will be very clear to Rhys. ]
So— So, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, alright? I fucked up and lost my temper, and this- [ He motions between them ] Yeah, this is what we've got to show for it.